As I expressed in my last article, being an emotionally responsive parent is much more challenging than being an emotionally responsive teacher. Accepting my daughter’s range of emotions within our daily routines comes with its challenges, as does embracing the multiple facets of her personality. Encouraging Maeve to express her emotions in safe ways, as well as modeling how to treat others kindly and respectfully will produce far-reaching benefits. As I encourage my daughter’s social-emotional development, I am laying the groundwork for her success with peers, her self-confidence, her intellectual gains and her ability to problem-solve. The question remains, “How do I move this philosophy from the classroom into the home?”
It is not uncommon for parents to ask, “Why does he listen to you and not me?” or for them to ask a teacher to handle a conflict for them because they know that the teacher is able to get their child to follow through. As educators, we are taught to handle behaviors in a very specific way to achieve the desired outcome. We work in an environment conducive to dealing with these behaviors and we don’t have all of the distractions that families have on a daily basis. What’s the secret? Set firm limits within a supportive, loving relationship, to eliminate power struggles and start seeing your child behave “appropriately” in any situation. Although children are likely to test limits, once they learn that you say what you mean and mean what you say, the testing will become much less frequent. Below are some scenarios to get you thinking about how you may handle issues in the past, present, or future.
Thich Nhat Hanh shares an anecdote about how it is easy to be mindful in the monastery, yet hard on the streets. This hit close to home because I have been reflecting on how challenging it is to be an emotionally responsive parent. For the past couple of months life at home has been messy to say the least. Outside of the safe and controlled confines of Alphabet Academy, I’ve been struggling. When I’m rushing to leave home and pressuring my daughter to hurry, I can tell our connection is faltering but don’t want to be late again. When M is angry and demanding, yet I am feeling spent, I feel awful when I cannot remain unruffled. I know without a doubt how to be an emotionally responsive teacher, yet how does it translate into my home?